this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
