I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
