Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
