You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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