I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
