thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
