I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
