In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
