So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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