Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
