I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
