I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
