I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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