my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
