we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
