Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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