u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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