I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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