she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
