was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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