Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
