end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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