I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
