He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
