Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
