do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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