i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
