i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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