mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
