So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
