You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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