Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
