Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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