i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
