I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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