I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
