using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
