Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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