Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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