I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
don't judge my taste in strippers
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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