I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
