i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
