My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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