I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
