Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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