I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
