I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
