I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this will be a night to untag.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
