ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
