Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
