I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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