East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
