Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
