Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
