What a fucking waste of an outfit
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
