im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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