Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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