The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
