dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
