My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
