Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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