How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
