If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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