I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh god it's open bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
