Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
