We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
