I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
