I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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