Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
