when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
