I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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