No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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