If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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