i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
did i walk over a car last night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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