The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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