do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
