i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please come you make the beer taste better
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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