First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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