but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
