hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
