If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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