I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
