I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
