you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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