I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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