in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
