I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
