OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
