one might say we're banned from that church
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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