i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
