i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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