are you so shy because you have an std?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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