Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
