So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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